<h3 align="center">Responding</h3>

Whenever I thought about people responding to my book, I always imagined things in a very negative way. I imagined people pointing out inaccuracies, perhaps criticising some aspect of it. And with these imagined critics in mind I worked out ways to defend the book. Tried to think of things that I could say that would make them change their mind, clever retorts to whatever criticisms they may make. I never really thought about what to say if people liked the book, if they responded positively to it.

I don’t think this tendency is exclusive to writers. You can see it everywhere. The man who has some complaint with his neighbour and goes through the argument dozens of times in his mind before he even approaches the neighbour. So that when it comes time to talk it is no longer a simple conversation to resolve some problem, it has become a showdown. How could it be any different? In the scenarios his mind has played out for him the man has heard the neighbour respond angrily, aggressively, slyly. He has seen himself fight with the neighbour, scream at each other, trade kicks and blows.

It is a phenomenally negative way to approach things. Of the dozens of scenarios that play out in his head, how many are positive? How many feature the neighbour apologising, agreeing with the complaint and the two men walking away perfectly content with the resolution? You might say this is not realistic, but how realistic are all the other scenarios that have contributed to this massive defensiveness, this burden on the exchange before it has even begun?

Which brings me back to the book. Why expect only bad things? Why expect that people will react in the most negative terms? If they do react badly, then fair enough, but why spend so much time anticipating that? Does it make you any more prepared? Or does it simply make you anxious, stressed, fearful? The constant planning of your response an attempt to control something over which you have no real power: the opinion of other people.

In my entire life I have never been persuaded that a book I didn’t enjoy was actually very good. I will be able to see the other person’s perspective, but I could never be converted by someone explaining to me why a book that I have not enjoyed is actually very good. So why should I expect that I can do the same if someone doesn’t enjoy my book? Why waste all this time trying to figure out how best to respond to a negative response when you really have very little chance of changing it. Why sacrifice all these precious moments of now worrying about something you have absolutely no control over?